more please?

Bring on the pain. There's something I can understand. There's something I can share with others. A little suffering never hurt me. I can take my place in the world, along side my fellow suffering creatures, I can claim rights and bemoan an existence that requires such a feeling. I can believe that I am different, that nobody knows what my suffering is like. I can feel supremely alone and justified. You don't know me. Nobody knows me. This pain is my own, and you can't ever understand. Yes... what I want right now are some good old-fashioned feelings of humiliation and despair. Please, tie the ropes tighter, Master. To bask in pain... to feel tough and alive... to think that I deserved to be treated better... or that I am such that I do not deserve any better... this is something I can understand. Yet another human being not sure that I am worth it... a realization of my downfalls... I can understand that... what I am really afraid of is that someone might think I am wonderful, that someone might love me, that they might actually know me and love me for what I am, that I might be obligated to be as good as I am capable of being instead of flowing through life on a current of something beyond my power. Pain you are my favorite solace; do not forsake me in my hour of need.