not myself

friends, colleagues, and random stalkers... please take no notice. all that shit about wanting to be noticed... i don't know where it came from. i want to hide. i don't want to care. i don't want to live the big life i have been pounding my head on walls for. what i would like is to laugh. just you and me or all of us... let's have a big laugh some time.

i miss jackie chan movies, and veggietales, and talking all night, and mama mias, and three dragon ante, and going to Parables, and eating at Fazoli's, and Lake Zorinsky, and Blinky, and Marching Band, and Scheherezade.

i ache for Lady Peacock, and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (the computer game), and Pirates.

i would give anything for a Shnookerz picnic, an April Party, a Pepsi Party, or a night spent sitting on Eddius' driveway.

but that's done and gone, and what is Hope if not a looking toward the future and belief that some kind of good can come of it all.

i ache, and i wonder how i ever managed to forget to notice this ache. i tried to distract my self from the ache by cutting my self with all of the beauty in the world.

but all along there i was. just another human. so small.

no matter... don't mind... please don't notice. go on ahead. don't slow down when i lag behind. i just have to keep looking back...

one last time.