Unhinged

i am mostly doing things because there is nothing better to do. i feel like i am trying to accomplish something or get at something... but I can't quite get there because i havent figured out what it is exactly i am going for. Like ive come this far and i am so close, but to get there i have to trace back my path in my memory to find where i started and which direction i thought i was going in. or maybe i just feel like i ought to feel that way. like something ought to happen. or maybe what i feel is merely some form of "profound boredom". I dont even know. But I feel really anxious/excited and yet disappointed/bored. Like when you accomplish some big goal you had but it was way easier than you thought it would be, and you dont know what to do now. meh. maybe it's just that i finally know i can make it in this world... that no matter what i can live comfortably and somewhat happily. like the worst is over or something. but now life doesnt seem worth much effort when i can get by with so little effort.