overmuch

So these past few weeks I have been trying to figure out why I am never enough. Why all my best efforts are not enough to win me the hearts of men. And then I was told... "you were always too much."

And at first it doesnt sink in. And then I understand it. Too much of even a good thing is too much. And as long as I think I am too little I try to be more and more only exacerbating the problem. I love too much too often. I try too hard. I am too good. I "make other people feel like they have an obligation" to be good in return. I "make other people disappointed in theirselves and doubt theirselves". People never hate me. It seems that it must be hard to hate me. Maybe people love me. Maybe people love me too much to want to love me. I don't know. It is a revolutionary idea to me.

All these years I thought I was unlovable because I wasn't enough for anybody. And now I start to think maybe this person is right... maybe I had it all backwards.

Marc totally made my birthday awesome. Marc is awesome.

I might end up Secretary of Wordsmiths. That should be interesting. It has been a while... say 3-4 years. I still think I have the capacity to lead. I just havent practiced it in a while. I certainly feel that I could do better than my opponent. Of course my job next year in the Writing Studio is sposed to be crazy harder. And I havent been voted in yet. So we shall see what we shall see.

Well, the thoughts contained in this entry are much easier to write about than to think. So I will leave them with you now... who might find them less perplexing than I do.