Kairos

I feel the powerful urge to overcome this now. I know these things take time, but I want to move on. I know those memories will stay forever. They are half of my college experience... the most fun time in life. He was my first for many things. I don't really want to forget him... I just want the memories to stop hurting.

I have also realized that I have become very attached to his family. After all I considered them my own family for about a year. I will miss them. And I am noticing a pattern. I always get attached to all of my friends' families which makes it even harder when I lose them. I don't think I want to meet any future boyfriends'/fiances'relatives. That is of course unless I actually do get married to them. Maybe that is a bad idea, but this is just an added loss that I can't stand to think about. Hell... I'd rather go home to his family than mine most of the time. Even his mother I have learned to love and I will miss her. Perhaps I could visit them some day, but I rather expect not.

Today has been relaxing and the pain has been nagging. But there is also this yearning to move on within me. This desire for a new era. I hope the moment comes soon when I can be truly exuberantly happy again.