So, I am in my "spring break" right now. Ten days I decided I just could not wear another Target Baker Hat. Ten days I decided I had to get out of town. Ten days I didn't have enough money to travel anywhere for so I hopped in Mister Bob's car and he drove us over to Kansas City. Day 4 of these ten days and I am completely out of moneys. But, I bought a birthday present for Shannon. And And And! A new pair of shoes for the first time in two years! And... I bought Sextasy for only 1.99. So, Good Times.
Mostly I am just happy to think straight again for the first time in about a year. So if this post lacks creativity that would be why.
After many years of building a new Hope I am finally convinced that she is as interesting and interested of a bug as she needs to be, everything else from here is icing on the cake. So, where does that leave me. That leaves me secure. That leaves me trapped. But for once I feel neither secure in my security or trapped in my contraption. I feel excited and tricksy and free. There will be no more trapping of Hope. There will be no more pinning her down and having your way with her. There will be no more reasoning out of why she should perhaps let you have her. Hope will sleep in the bed she has made. Hope will follow those she has chosen to follow. There is no trap, cage, net, pair of arms or hands real or imaginary that could capture her right now. Do not bother telling her there is no reason to run, there is no reason to hide. She may have begun the running and hiding out of fear, but now she does it for the pleasure and the thrill.
There was a time I believed in giving considerable thought to any claim anyone else should make about me. Now I am much more selective about who and what claims to listen to.
I feel good. And not the grand kind of good I seem to be rambling on about here. But a deeper more penetrating good that I feel even when I feel bad. Now to shower, and hope that this was worth the writing and reading.
