Just because I like to be right... and to think I am not crazy... and to feel that perhaps other people misunderstand my use of words through their own ignorance rather than some inability of mine to communicate...
Main Entry: in·stinctPronunciation: 'in-"sti[ng](k)tFunction: noun1 : a
largely inheritable and unalterable tendency of an organism to make a complex and specific response to environmental stimuli without involving reason 2 : behavior that is mediated by
reactions below the conscious level
Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
So yeah... I was not using the word "instinct" in some unheard of way.
I am tired of feeling like just because I don't think or talk like everyone else I am not interesting or that I sound stupid. I am tired of people not realizing how much thought I have put into everything I say. I might not have put a ton of thought into how I am saying it, unless it is actually written down, but I didn't just make some kind of half-ass conclusion not involving a crap ton and a half of logic, a good amount of what I
intuitively or
instictually know to be consistent with my existence, and actual time out in the field gathering data. Language in the end, is largely about gaining power and hardly ever leads to any real understanding (if there can ever be understanding at all). If everyone in the room is against me and thinks I sound like the fool... then maybe I should consider this a success. I have managed to be myself and unique instead of parroting back responses like society wants me to. I have learned to use the word "instinct" in a more specific way rather than the deceptive way it has been more commonly used. I do not use it to mean that there are some things that we just inherently from birth cannot help, but rather as an obvious indicator that there is something outside of consciousness and logic. I wonder how many people in that room who were most vociferously arguing with me had actually any understanding of behavioral psychology. I wasn't making any profound new statement but rather adding my spin to an already widely understood concept. I hate groups. I hate my lack of ability to communicate with more than one person at a time. The truth is though, if any one individual sat down and talked to me, and I didn't feel that it was a waste of time for me to try to explain myself to them, I would make sense if they gave me a chance. But the fact of the matter is that I use language differently than you do, and as a group you will always realize that and use your power in numbers to prove me wrong before you even know what I have said. I refuse to feel akward or out of place any longer; I feel powerful and like you are all letting yourselves be watered down by societal norms of language. Right now, it should be known, that I feel very arrogant.
